The Epic Compilation
by Akai-Kurenai
Summary: Because sometimes, things just turn out to be far out of the ordinary. Crackfic collection collab between Aster Selene and Akai-Kurenai, rating may change with future chapters. Chapter 3: The Legend of Legendary Girl B
1. The Great Pencil Passaround

The Great Pencil Pass-around

Plot/Some writing for the first couple of scenes: Aster

The rest of the writing/Editing: Akai

**Aster's Notes: 'Ello, it's me, Aster (Aster Selene). I write for varied categories (mostly Digimon), but I've written other stuff. You might have read my other Lucky Star fic, "The Box".**

**So as you can see, my sense of humor contrasts severely with Akai's. She prefers her jokes short and to the point, while I prefer to cruelly keep you hanging until the end. This collection of drabbles will be somewhere in between. Also, I'll be doing some of the plots and Akai will write, and in other cases Akai makes the plot and I write.**

**It goes this way: In every chapter we'll give who did the plot and who wrote. My A/Ns will be at the top, Akai's at the bottom.**

**So for this chapter: I came up with this one on a whim. It was partly based on a Digimon fic involving a pencil, although that one wasn't a humor one or a drabble. There's a lot of randomness in this chapter that clearly displays my shortage of ideas, but overall the humor was supposed to offset that. I say _supposed to_ because it might not have.**

**Meh, I talk too much - enjoy the fic.**

* * *

The chatter of students filled the air, a sure signal that a lesson had ended and break time had come. Boys and girls either left the classroom for a quick restroom break or stayed put to prepare for any upcoming quizzes or assignments. For example, Konata was pulling a last-minute cramming session. Miyuki, always the kindly saint, decided to take pity on her and offered to help.

Oh, the poor, poor girl…

Meanwhile, Kagami walked into the classroom, looking quite pleased that she had managed to visit without being taunted by the blue-haired otaku.

"Hey. How's it going, Tsukasa?" The twin-tailed girl seated herself in front of her younger sister's desk, as she knew that interrupting Konata's cramming at this point in time would be equivalent to asking for her head to be chopped off.

"Hi," Tsukasa replied. Contrary to her usual behavior, Tsukasa said this distantly and didn't move her eyes from the paper she was writing on.

Kagami looked curiously at her. "Ah…what's that you've got there?"

"Poem," Tsukasa muttered as she scribbled furiously.

The tsundere was slightly annoyed at this abrupt response and sighed quietly. "I'll, uh, just read or something then."

A couple of minutes passed, and the twins seemed to have switched moods. Kagami was now completely absorbed in reading a light novel she had pulled out from her bag while Tsukasa was trying to decide how to talk to her sister. Her mechanical pencil had run out of lead during the passing moments, and now she was in need of a new writing instrument. Eventually, Tsukasa decided that her need was greater than Kagami's light novel.

"Hey, onee-chan…" Tsukasa prodded her sister in the back. "Can I borrow a pen?"

Kagami twitched slightly. "I don't have one on me right now," she said, baring her teeth. She then flipped a page of her novel and descended back into silence.

"Pen, pen, pen…" thought Tsukasa as she groped around in her bag. "I had one two seconds ago…"

Then out of the corner of her eye, it seemed like a pencil appeared. It was a colored pencil, and blue at that – but it would have to do.

So the rest of her poem was written in blue.

* * *

"Neko?" said Kagami, a little taken aback. "You named your new pencil _Neko_?"

Overcome by guilt for her previous coldness towards her younger sister, Kagami had decided to put away her light novel and search for a pen. However, by that time Tsukasa had already found the blue pencil and even named it.

Tsukasa shrugged. "It was a cat poem."

Kagami looked at the pencil for a minute, and then a sudden inspiration hit her. "Can I have it?"

A long pause.

"I'll give you my pen."

Another long pause. Then, "Fine."

Kagami thanked her sister and then quickly went to work. She still remembered the incident when Konata had shown off her artistic ability – or rather, her lack of it – and planned to give the otaku a taste of her own medicine.

Tsukasa decided that this was her cue to leave her sister alone, and went over to talk to Miyuki and Konata, who seemed to be wrapping up their cram session.

After Kagami had finished her (rather insulting) drawing of Konata, she began to put "Neko" away – but not before Konata spotted the picture. Of course, she just had to come over and investigate, much like a simian that was very chummy with a man whose outfit consisted of the color of a banana.

"HOLD IT!" Kagami looked up just in time to meet the emerald eyes of the very person she had just finished drawing. The vertically challenged girl slammed her hands onto the desk and pointed a finger at the drawing. "What's that?"

"By any chance, have you been recently playing DS games that involve, oh, I don't know, a certain lawyer with spiky hair?" Kagami retorted.

"Well…you're not answering me!" Konata said lamely. "Is that supposed to be a drawing of me?"

The lavender-haired girl frowned slightly and tried to slip the sketch into her bag. "W-w-who said that it's a drawing of you?" Kagami stammered. However, Konata's reflexes proved to be too quick as she deftly snatched the paper out of the protesting girl's hands.

"Oh, so it is a drawing of me, Kagamin…" Konata snickered. She was about to make another teasing remark when the actual implications of the drawing hit her.

"Kagami!" Konata said despairingly. "Give me your pencil!"

The girl in question sighed and placed the writing instrument, which she had been holding, onto the immediate desk space in front of her. "Neko, you mean? First you took my drawing without permission and now you want Neko?"

"So it's called 'Neko'?" Konata said covering her mouth with her hand to stifle her laughter. When Kagami merely glared at her in response, Konata pouted. "Well, I only have regular pencils and pens. I need _your_ pencil so that I can make edits to the drawing!"

Kagami was just about to snap at her when the bell rang. "Ah, I have to go!" Kagami exclaimed. She hurriedly picked up her bag and ran to her classroom, pausing only to shout "Later!" over her shoulder.

The otaku scratched her head. "Women sure can be moody," she uttered. She happened to cast her glance downwards and noticed a certain blue object. Apparently, Kagami was in such a hurry that she had left the pencil on the desk.

"Well, there's no use having Neko if Kagami has the drawing," Konata sighed. She stuck the pencil into her pencil case and walked over to her desk. She plopped herself down, stretched her arms, and yawned. "All that cramming made me tired. I'll just take a quick nap before the quiz…"

Soon, she was fast asleep, all thoughts of the drawing and the pencil forgotten.

* * *

"Onee-chan! Onee-chan? Konata-onee-chan!" Yutaka called out. She scurried into the classroom, taking care not to accidentally bump into any of the upperclassmen. After spotting the otaku reclining lazily at the desk in the middle, she hurried over and set down a chocolate cornet and a bottle of milk on it. "You forgot your lunch today."

Konata blinked in surprise. "Really? Thanks, Yu-chan! Eh, I normally don't make moé slip-ups like that. This is more of a tsundere thing. Though, forgetting your lunch might be more troublesome than cute. That one Taiga girl from that series was pretty clumsy and troublesome…"

"Er…" Yutaka, who obviously did not understand a word that her cousin had said, was left adorably confused and stood in silence for a while. Just as she was about to ask her cousin to elaborate on her statement, the first year inevitably caught sight of the blue pencil sticking out of Konata's pencil case. "Hey, that pencil…" Yutaka muttered. As with every young girl who sights anything cute, pretty, or interesting, her mind immediately screamed _I WANT IT I WANT IT I WANT IT!_

"Hm? Did you say something?" Konata asked. When Konata only got a distant look in return, she looked at Yutaka in bewilderment, and then realized what Yutaka was staring at. "Ah, Neko?" She grabbed the pencil and began twirling it between her fingers while giving Yutaka a curious look. "What about it?"

"Neko?" Yutaka asked, confused. Konata confirmed what she had heard with a nod, and Yutaka opted to just take it in stride.

"So, what about Neko?" Konata repeated.

Yutaka fidgeted nervously. _Maybe the pencil's important to her! Oh, but I kind of really do want it_. She gulped, bowed her head, and said at top speed, "I'm-sorry-onee-chan-but-can-I-have-Neko-please?"

Konata, who for some reason was able to understand every word Yutaka said, tilted her head slightly and replied, "Why?"

The younger girl fidgeted again and muttered, "Well, it looks nice…and it's blue…it's a cute blue colored pencil…"

The otaku considered her cousin for a minute, and then plopped the pencil into Yutaka's hands. Before Yutaka could even stutter in confusion, Konata placed her hands on Yutaka's shoulders and said, "You are a very brave girl, Yu-chan. This evil power has plagued my people for long – I now entrust it to you. Guard it with your life, and go forth and save the world from destruction!"

"E-e-e-eh?!"

Understandably, poor Yutaka was scared out of her mind and looked like she was about to go into shock. Konata's serious expression hardened slightly, and then melted to reveal her standard cat smile and lazy eyes. She released her grip on Yutaka's shoulders and laughed.

"Just kidding, just kidding," Konata said lightly. "Go ahead, you can borrow it. I don't really need it at the moment."

It took Konata a couple of prods and a repeat of her words to bring Yutaka out of her petrified trance. With a timid "thank you", Yutaka quickly exited the classroom and returned to hers.

Konata looked on amusedly, until she realized that she had overlooked an important fact.

"Shoot, Neko's not mine, it's Kagami's!"

* * *

A cuddly dog. Miniature people building a snowman. Her name with embroidery around it. Ice cream, leeks, strawberry shortcake, and pudding in a shopping bag.

Yutaka hummed a tune faintly reminiscent of "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" as she doodled on the back of a math test she had been handed back yesterday. She smiled happily at her drawings and was about to add another onto her paper when she felt a presence behind her.

Thinking it was Minami, who would normally remain silent until someone greeted her first, Yutaka carelessly turned around and opened her mouth without even considering the fact that it could have been someone else.

It shouldn't have been a surprise to her when she said, "Minami-san, it doesn't matter if you think you're bothering me. You can say 'hi' first if you want –" and received a blank stare from Hiyori.

But nevertheless, Yutaka became flustered by her simple mistake.

"Ah, ah, ah…s-sorry…I thought you were…" Yutaka stammered. She nervously made a quick, apologetic bow to her friend, and peered at her worriedly. Unbeknownst to the petite freshman, her unresponsive friend was in fact very active.

Well, at least at the mental level.

* * *

" _Oh no!" _

_A blushing Yutaka held her hands up to her face to hide her embarrassment. "I'm so sorry about that! I guess I was just thinking so much about Minami-chan that I –" _

_She clasped her hands over her mouth, and the pinkness on her cheeks began to rival that of her hair color as the small girl realized what she had let slip. "Did I just say that out loud? I-I mean...well…can you keep a secret?" Yutaka looked around quickly before leaning forward and saying, "Don't tell anyone this, please, but I think I…l-l-love –"_

"Tamura-san!"

Yuri Daydream Over.

"NO, WAIT, THAT'S COMPLETELY AND TOTALLY WRONG!" Hiyori screamed as her mind recoiled from the combination of words. She panted and leaned onto the chair in front of her after she finished her outburst.

A totally silent classroom greeted Hiyori's return from the land of daydreams. The stress of having so many people gawking at her, especially after having a spur-of-the-moment girls' love fantasy, nearly caused the young artist's heart to shut down.

"Argh, Kira must have written my name down in his accursed book," Hiyori wheezed, clutching at her chest. After she had collected herself and didn't have as much of an urge to sink into the floor and escape the stares of the other students, Hiyori slowly released her death grip on the chair and forced herself to smile at her diminutive friend.

"Um, a-are you okay…?" Yutaka asked timidly, completely unaware that she had just been the subject of Hiyori's daydream.

"I'm fine, Yutaka. I just spaced out for a moment," Hiyori replied as casually as possible. Hoping to draw some attention off of herself, she peered down at the scratch paper in front of Yutaka and examined it overenthusiastically. "What are these? Drawings?"

Yutaka nodded. "Konata-onee-chan lent me her pencil and I got bored, so I started doodling a little bit." She then looked up at her friend expectantly. "By the way, were you going to ask me something? You were kind of standing behind me before."

"Ah, yeah, just give me a minute," Hiyori said. She stood and tapped her chin with a finger, trying to remember what she had wanted. Within twenty seconds of this request, she snapped her fingers and exclaimed, "Oh! Yutaka, let me borrow your pencil!"

Yutaka cocked her head to the side. "What for?"

Hiyori, who had become filled with energy at having recalled something for once, gestured broadly at the window. "I was drawing some sky scenery for a piece I was doing, but I realized that I don't have any blue. Plus, if I wait until I go home, I'll probably forget about it. So, can I borrow that pencil?"

"Um…" Yutaka hesitated. She had become rather attached to the pencil, and was more than a little reluctant to part with it so soon. However, one look at her friend's excited and eager face swayed her enough to hand it over. "Your need is greater than mine, I guess. Here you go, Tamura-san. Oh, and by the way, it's called Neko."

Hiyori stared blankly at the pencil. "Um, Neko? Why?"

Yutaka thought about it for a moment, and then shrugged. "Konata-onee-chan told me that Neko was the pencil's name."

"I see…I think. Well, thanks so much!" Hiyori gave Yutaka a grateful pat on the shoulder, and made a beeline for her desk. Once there, she sat down and whipped out a sketchbook with practiced skill. She triumphantly held up the blue pencil and roared, "Nothing can stop me now!"

* * *

"Aw, crap."

Hiyori looked in despair at Neko, which was now about a third of its original size. She then transferred her gaze to her drawing.

"A bluebird in a clear blue sky over an ocean…might not have been such a bright idea," Hiyori muttered. "But the blue does look pretty good."

At that moment, she just happened to hear a classmate exclaim, "Wow, Iwasaki-san, your eyes are so pretty!"

Hiyori whipped her head around, her glasses flashing menacingly.

Minami was surrounded by a small group of students, who were craning and bending their necks humorously to catch a glimpse of her eyes. The taciturn girl had her head hung low and turned to the side, resulting in her bangs nearly covering her eyes. She mumbled out a barely audible, "Not really," and tried to surreptitiously escape to her seat, but the other students persisted, failing to realize their praise and attention were highly embarrassing for her.

"Seriously! You always walk with your eyes downcast, so I never see them," the student from before continued, flipping one of her braids over her shoulder. "Plus, you're so tall that I never really look at you at eye level!"

Another classmate broke in with, "Iwasaki-san was always buried in some kind of book or another back then. Even I, who was her classmate throughout junior high, didn't get to fully appreciate her eyes."

"Dang, Iwasaki! That's a pretty awesome shade of blue!"

At these words, Hiyori quickly turned her back to the conversation. _You can't see them, you can't hear them, you did not just hear the word "blue"_, she chanted in her head. Despite her efforts, she could still hear the students.

"Come on, Iwasaki-san, let me see them too!"

"They're like sapphires or something," another student suggested.

_Don't think about it, don't – _Hiyori nearly had another girls' love daydream concerning Minami's wonderful eyes and its possible effects on a certain small-statured companion of hers, but miraculously managed to stop it from completely flowing through her consciousness.

"If I was an artist, I would totally draw those peepers!"

That remark was the last straw for Hiyori, who gave up her fight against preserving the poor pencil and set it on its point against a fresh sheet of paper.

"Neko," she intoned. "You've lived well."

That was the last thing she said before she lifted up the pencil and began her newest work.

Needless to say, by the time she was done, it was reduced to shreds.

Hiyori trembled as she stared at the set of beautifully colored eyes on her paper, and then the pitiful blue stub in her hand. There was barely enough wood left for someone with exceptionally slim and small digits to grip it between their thumb and index finger, and the tip of the pencil was as flat as a pancake and barely protruded from the barrel of the pencil.

In other words, it was completely useless.

"I hope she doesn't get upset," Hiyori groaned as she slowly made her way to Yutaka's desk to inform her of the tragic happening.

* * *

Yutaka sighed.

School was over, and she was once again walking towards her cousin's classroom. Hiyori had returned Neko to her with many, many, many apologies, culminating in her finally offering to take her and the gang – meaning her, Hiyori, Minami, and Patricia, who wasn't working today – out for Korean barbeque to show the extent of her regret.

Yutaka was far from angry, but she felt very bad about ruining the pencil. "It was so pretty, but now no one can use it. Will Konata-onee-chan get mad?" she wondered. "I don't think so, but that doesn't make it any better."

While she pondered this, she nearly bumped into the very person she was thinking about.

Konata saw Yutaka before the smaller girl had even realized that she was there, and deftly stepped to the side at the last second, preventing what could have been two very nasty headaches. She sweatdropped as Yutaka let out an "eep", windmilled her arms, and swayed back and forth, having lost her balance due to the almost-collision.

When Yutaka seemed that she wasn't in danger of falling over, Konata quipped, "Hey, Yu-chan. Tripping over yourself to visit your wonderful cousin?"

This time, it was Yutaka who sweatdropped, but at Konata's attempt at being witty. "Not exactly," Yutaka said. "Well, first off, Tamura-san invited me and some friends out for Korean barbeque, so I'm not going to be home until – ah, Konata-onee-chan? Is something wrong?"

Konata had one of her fists clenched and tears streaming down her face in a comical fashion. "Going out for good food…without me…and leaving me to slave over tonight's dinner…" Konata mock sobbed to herself. Upon noticing that her cousin had stopped talking, she ceased her antics and coughed once. "Sorry, sorry, just being hungry. Continue."

Yutaka laughed nervously and did what Konata suggested. "Anyways, that was the main thing I wanted to say. And also…" She drew out Neko from her skirt pocket, and pressed it into Konata's hand.

"I'm really sorry, but Neko's all used up now. I'll buy you a new pencil if you want." She studied the blue-haired girl's face apprehensively and waited for her response.

Now, Kagami had never told Konata about Neko's true owner, as she had given her the cold shoulder after the otaku laughed at the pencil's name. As a result, Konata believed that it belonged to the tsundere, and acted accordingly.

Konata rolled the stub of wood back and forth between her fingers, mulling over the situation. _Kagami's pencil is all used up, _Konata thought._ No matter how I look at it, Neko will never be used again. Kagami would probably go like, "This is worthless! It's going in the trash! What a waste of time!"_ Konata smiled to herself. _Meh, serves her right for drawing that picture of me in the first place._

So, out of spite, Konata accepted Neko graciously, assured Yutaka she wasn't annoyed in any way whatsoever, and ran off to catch up to Kagami and Tsukasa.

* * *

"It stinks, doesn't it?" Tsukasa remarked.

The Hiiragi twins chatted lightly as they rode the train home. Konata was lucky enough to have gotten a seat, and was busy reading another manga while Kagami and Tsukasa had to stand and keep each other company during the ride. Somewhere along the way, Tsukasa had brought up yet another topic concerning odors.

Kagami frowned slightly at Tsukasa's statement. "But isn't it supposed to be really good for you?" she replied. "When you only try it a little bit at a time, it can do wonders for you."

"I guess," Tsukasa said. "But still, that smell is pretty bad, and you don't even want to take a shower after doing it. Plus, doesn't the color look weird?"

Kagami shrugged. "It has lots of good stuff in it, and you can't help the color."

"…it still looks weird."

Thankfully, the train stopped and opened its doors, signaling the arrival at Konata's stop and the temporary end of the conversation. Konata stood up and reluctantly put her manga into her book bag. After a quick stretch to relieve her muscles, Konata prodded Tsukasa in the arm.

"You can have my seat now," Konata said. "You want to sleep, right? Kagamin can stay where she is right now. She's tough and needs to lose weight anyways."

"Eh heh…" Tsukasa scratched her head awkwardly at having her mind read so easily, but took the offer all the same.

"Oi, are you trying to get me angry?" Kagami growled, clenching a fist. Konata merely gave another of her trademark cat smiles and slipped something into Kagami's unclenched hand.

Konata reached up, patted her shoulder, and said, "Thanks for the pencil, Kagami!" She then exited the train and headed home.

"What? Hey, you didn't answer my question!" Kagami yelled. "Jeez…" she muttered as she held up her hand. "What did she give me anyway?"

A stub of wood sat on her palm. Kagami had to stare at it and rack her brains for the rest of the train ride in order to recognize it as Neko.

"Eh? She had it?" Kagami pondered as she lightly prodded Tsukasa. She thought back to break time, and realized that she had left the pencil on Konata's desk. Despite the sad state of the pencil, it was Kagami's deredere side that took over.

"I guess she decided to return the pencil after all, even though it's like this right now," Kagami said to herself. "She probably wants me to give it back to Tsukasa," she added, completely forgetting the fact that she never told Konata that the pencil wasn't hers.

Her thoughts were interrupted by her twin, who finally woke up and tottered to her side. Kagami shoved the pencil into her skirt pocket in order to focus on making sure that Tsukasa could at least make it out of the station. Once they had reached their usual route home and Tsukasa didn't look like she was about to fall asleep standing up, Kagami took Neko out.

"Ah, Tsukasa? Konata gave this to me before she left the train, and I think she wanted to give it back to you," Kagami said. She passed the pencil to Tsukasa, who regarded it with sleepy eyes.

"W-what is it?" Tsukasa asked while letting out a yawn.

"Um, it's your pencil Neko, remember?"

With that statement, Tsukasa jumped on the spot and her entire body jolted. Kagami noted with interest that even her hair ribbon stood up stiffly.

"No!" Tsukasa cried out. She gripped the pencil and gazed at it sorrowfully, her eyes now watery. "Neko-chan! Why is the world so cruel?"

So the two walked home, with Tsukasa cradling the last remains of Neko, and Kagami trying to console her and not laugh at the same time. Instead of heading straight to her room as usual, Tsukasa turned away from their front door and headed to their backyard. Kagami, who hadn't noticed this until she was halfway up the stairs, rushed out to check up on her sister.

"What…are you doing?"

Tsukasa looked up from where she was kneeling on the dirt. In one hand she held a small spade, which she was using to dig a small hole. Next to her was her beloved blue pencil, wrapped in her hair ribbon.

She gave a small wave and said, "I'm burying Neko-chan."

Kagami could only watch in shocked silence as Tsukasa dug out a grave for Neko, gently placed the pencil inside, smoothed over the earth, and covered it with a white stone from their garden to mark it. After she had done this, Tsukasa stood up and bowed her head.

_Tsukasa is just really…special,_ Kagami thought.

"Um, onee-chan?" Tsukasa said, still bowing her head.

"What is it?" Kagami replied.

Tsukasa mumbled, "C-c-could you say something really quick for Neko-chan? Like an…uh…"

"Epitaph?" Kagami supplied. Tsukasa nodded in response. Kagami rolled her eyes.

"That –" Kagami started, but stopped when she saw tears falling to the ground. As always, Kagami could not refuse a request from her sister, especially when she was as sad as she was now – despite the fact that those tears were for a recently deceased pencil.

Kagami directed her gaze towards Neko's grave. _What the heck am I supposed to say, though?_

A few moments passed. Tsukasa was still standing solemnly, and Kagami was still struggling to find a decent remark to say. Finally, she gave up and said the first thing that popped into her head.

"Here lies Neko-chan," Kagami enunciated. "It was a great pencil and was passed to many owners. Blue was the color it contributed to our papers, and blue is the color of the sky it returns to in passing. We the Hiiragi twins give thanks to the gods that it is a wooden pencil rather than a mechanical one, because plastic is not biodegradable. May this writing utensil rest in peace."

* * *

After that, Kagami went out and bought several cases of pencils so that Tsukasa would never have to go to the trouble of picking up a pencil from the ground again.

* * *

**Akai's A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY KONATA!**

**Yes, the release was extremely late. Yes, it's full of crap – er, crack.**

**Roflmaonobutsrsly. Aster's ideas are awesome. It's **_**my**_** writing, editing, and procrastination that fail epically. If you want to blame someone for the late release and cruddy chapter, blame me. -Holds gun to head-**

**Anyways, this chapter was the first in our collection! Also, this is one of the longest chapters I've ever submitted – it's a little more than ten pages (not counting the A/Ns) in Microsoft Word. It turned out to be even longer than my own stories. The length is also kind of a compensation for barely making my deadline (Konata's birthday…ha ha). -Shoots self-**

**The scene where Konata tricks Yutaka while giving her the pencil has no intended references in it. All of her dialogue is just stuff I thought up of on a whim. On the other hand, some of the items Yutaka was doodling, particularly the food objects, are references to a certain song related to a twin-tailed princess.**

**Oh, yeah. I just want to take a quick moment to say this: SEASON 2 SEASON 2 SEASON 2 SEASON 2 OH THANK YOU GOD HARUHI IS BACK SEASON 2 BAMBOO LEAF RHAPSODY WAS FREAKING WIN I CAN'T WAIT UNTIL JUNE WHEN THE NEXT EPISODE COMES OUT! I'M WATCHING TOMORROW'S K-ON EPISODE WITH AZU-NYAN IN IT MEANWHILE.**

**Ahem. Heads up, it may be a while before the next chapter. Aster and I are busy with our respective school lives (in fact, this collab was late because I had several projects, tests, and finals to worry about in addition to a slight writer's block I suffered in the beginning of 2009), so please be patient!**

**Sorry for the long-winded A/N, but I felt I had to apologize to you all profusely for single-handedly delaying this collab for almost half a year. Again, I'm sorry. OTL**

…**that bullet hurt. -Collapses-**


	2. Miyuki's Sleeping Log, Spies!

Plot: Akai and Aster

Most of the writing: Aster

Editing: Akai

**Aster's Notes: O~su~**

**Nice to see you here. xD**

**Anyway, since the first part of this chapter is so...short...well, I combined it with the second part, which is a bit longer. They're both totally unrelated, though...**

* * *

Part 1. Miyuki's Sleeping Log

If anyone asked Takara Miyuki how she'd come up with the idea, she would have mildly said, "Oh, it wasn't mine – Kagami-san came up with it."

Of course, she would be unknowingly "blaming" her for coming up with such a mischievous and evil idea.

Granted, Kagami had her moments of evilness, no matter how much deredere she had, so on a day Konata's irresponsibility and total lack and unwillingness to do her homework drove her mad, she had (in a similar way that a certain black-haired girl with a yellow ribbon in her hair would complain about the world's problems) started to fitfully ire about the otaku's laziness...

...that was when Tsukasa came up with the idea.

Of course, the idea originally had Konata's best interests at heart, and was implemented in the hopes that it would inspire Konata to get onto a normal student's schedule. It had also been just a throwaway idea, which wasn't supposed to mean much. But it was completely unexpected for Kagami to start clutching Tsukasa and Miyuki tightly, begging them to go through with it.

Now, this would not have been the issue at hand at the moment: Kuroi-sensei was giving an important lecture today and it was very likely to include an extremely important fact on the next test. But then, it seemed, the idea suddenly came into great need.

Because nearby, Izumi Konata was breathing very loudly.

Konata kept her head planted on the desk during the entire class anyway, so it was very difficult for the normal bystander to tell what state she was in. However, Miyuki and Tsukasa were very sharp, and when they heard the breathing, they looked at each other. Tsukasa nodded.

Both of them pulled out a composition notebook. Both were doing it to ensure accuracy, and so the notebooks were identical, with "Konata" written on the front. Konata herself had never laid eyes on either one.

Miyuki's was always much neater than Tsukasa's. In precise handwriting, what she had written included the following:

_4/11: 5 minutes_

_4/12: 2 minutes_

_4/13: managed to stay up_

_4/14: 15 minutes_

_4/15: fell asleep upon sitting down_

_4/18: 18 minutes_

Today was April 19. Miyuki glanced at the clock. It had been exactly 21 minutes since the period started.

Miyuki quietly jotted "4/19: 21 minutes" below her previous entry and was about to put the book away when there was a loud WHACK!

Kuroi-sensei stood next to Konata's desk with a ruler in her hand. Konata, bleary-eyed, was rubbing a large lump on her head.

As Miyuki packed away the book, Kuroi yelled, "Do you sleep in my class every day, Izumi?!"

* * *

**Akai: Owari.**

**Aster: We're not done yet!**

**Akai: Though, technically, a part of the story has ended. I have every right to say "owari".**

**Aster: Meh, whatever. Anyway, the next part was based on a conspiracy theory floating around the 'net. Although I know Akai always wanted to do this herself...**

**Akai: Yes. Yes, I did. You do write these kinds of stories with more skill than I do, but I still had some pretty good ideas for it. -Is sad-**

**Aster: Well, you'll have to deal with this! Muahahahahaha -**

**Akai: -Shoots Aster- That's my line.**

* * *

Part 2: Spies!

At the cosplay café, Izumi Konata and Patricia Martin were preparing for their show.

Today was Konata's favorite performance: Haruhi Day. Because of this, Konata had decided today would be the day she would have her friends come over (as long as they brought a Code Geass manga with them). Patricia was equally eager to meet Konata's friends.

Konata was slipping her armband on when suddenly her boss slipped in. She seemed like she was in a panic.

"We have a problem...Minako couldn't come today..."

"What?"

Konata and Patricia looked panicked as well. Minako was the Yuki cosplayer, and without a Yuki, they might as well not do Haruhi as well.

"Well, what are we going to do about this?" said Patricia. "We've gotta do something!"

The boss looked around nervously. "Izumi, go out and look for someone. Anyone. Someone who knows about the Haruhi series. There's a manga store nearby – try there. We can't teach someone Hare Hare Yukai with the time we have left. Go!"

Konata gave a nod and ran over to the door –

– but someone was already standing there.

* * *

She looked exactly like Nagato Yuki.

* * *

The girl had short purple hair. Her eyes were extremely dark black with a hint of gold. Her face was blank. She was wearing a sailor fuku exactly like the North High one, with a cardigan tied neatly around her waist. Her skin was so pale it was nearly white.

Konata's jaw dropped for a few seconds. Then she realized the girl must be some kind of really intense cosplayer asking for a job - which was exactly what they needed!

"Come in!" yelled Konata, grabbing the strange girl and dragging her in, the same way the real Haruhi would do with a flustered Kyon. The girl made no objections or complaints – she followed.

* * *

The girl learned Hare Hare Yukai _insanely_ quickly, as if she already knew the dance. Her expression was morose and blank as she did so. Her performance was marvelous.

She learned all her lines swiftly, as if they were what she would have said anyway. During breaks, all she did was sit down and read a book.

Konata walked up to the reading girl. "Wow, you're really good at this. How are you so talented?"

"..."

Konata appraised her. "No, really. Even now you're acting really, really well. You must be really intense."

"..."

"Well, keep up the good work!" laughed the otaku.

"..."

"..."

"...I see."

Her voice was quiet and reserved, the same way Nagato Yuki's was.

* * *

Konata seated her four friends, cosplaying Suzumiya Haruhi (and doing quite a good job at it). Patricia was busy entertaining some people with her "classified information".

Meanwhile, the Yuki cosplayer looked around. She saw nothing of interest.

Then..._he_ walked in.

He had a bored but slightly amused look, as if he was enjoying what he was seeing. He had short brown hair, and it didn't seem like he was familiar with the area, just that he was trying to make sense of what he saw.

In other words:

Kyon.

* * *

The girl walked up to him slowly, her feet making no sound.

Kyon looked at her, almost taken aback at what he saw. Perhaps he thought he recognized her, but he settled down immediately.

He took a quick glance at the menu. "I'll have a glass of ice water, and...I'll have the broiled eel."

In a flat voice, the girl said, "Currently unavailable." (They were out of eel.)

Kyon blinked again. "How about the shrimp pilaf?"

"Currently impossible." (They hadn't received any shrimp for some reason today.)

"Then spaghetti with meat sauce."

"It will take fifteen minutes."

Kyon paused for a second, as if he had realized something. Then he smiled.

"Yosh. Do it."

The girl walked away.

Exactly fifteen minutes later, she walked back with spaghetti on a tray and an extra napkin. She set the spaghetti down with the napkin.

"It's all right, I don't need another – "

But she had walked away, and Kyon had already seen it.

On the napkin, in handwriting much like computer font, was:

**After the show, outside, near the tree.**

* * *

Kyon sighed. "Well, Nagato, I thought I was lost in this weird place. At least you're still here, which is still something."

"The Integrated Data Sentient Entity is still unaware of why Suzumiya Haruhi has created this alternate space. She did not hold any desire or subconscious urge for this to happen."

"So where is Haruhi anyway?" Kyon asked.

Yuki continued in her usual deadpan voice. "Somehow, her consciousness has become detached and has entered another host. This host remains largely unaffected by Suzumiya Haruhi's consciousness; however, there are minor influences in behavior resulting from such harboring."

Kyon crossed his arms. "And who exactly is 'harboring' her?"

"The Suzumiya Haruhi cosplayer in this building," Yuki replied.

"..."

"Suzumiya Haruhi is not the only one to be convergent into a host. Asahina Mikuru has also been subjected to such and is currently harbored by another student at Suzumiya Haruhi's host's school. One of the class members from yours and Suzumiya Haruhi's class has also been subjected to such. We currently have no leads on Koizumi Itsuki. I am currently posing as a student at Suzumiya Haruhi's host's school to observe her actions and find a solution. You, for a reason unknown to the Integrated Data Sentient Entity, have not been subjected to a consciousness transfer. I will station you at a location so that you will be able to do the same."

"..."

"..."

After a while, Kyon finally said, "Nagato, are you serious?"

"I am."

"All right then. Tell me who I'm pretending to be."

Yuki looked at him straight in the eye, and said, "A sales clerk."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"...A sales clerk?"

* * *

**Akai's A/N: Part two is mainly a voice actor joke, really. Sugita Tomokazu, who voices Kyon, just happens to voice the short, brown-haired Kyon-lookalike sales clerk selling the Kyon card during the Comiket episode (18).**

**By the way, Aster has a couple of awesome Haruhi fics out – go check them out, they're awesome.**

**Please review and thank you in advance!**


	3. The Legend of Legendary Girl B

The Legend of Legendary Girl B

Plot/Editing/Writing: Aster

Most of the plot elements and writing: Akai

* * *

**Aster's A/N: THIS WOULD HAVE COME UP EARLIER SO PLEASE FORGIVE USSSSSS**

…**I've discovered TVtropes within this time. The stuff they have to say on Lucky Star is interesting, although the fanfic recs are pretty bad…some are good, but I'm sure a lot of them are probably added by their own authors…**

…**yet somehow I'd still feel honored if we made it on there.**

**BTW, I have procured seven volumes of the Lucky Star manga from a trip to Japan. I kinda wish Kou, Yamato, and Izumi would have made the anime, but I guess they're permanently manga-only. The manga is kinda different, too…**

* * *

Comiket. To the average person, it meant a confusing and displeasing mass of 2-D maniacs congregating to become even more delusional then they already were. To the passionate otaku, it was a haven of opportunity, discovery, and enlightenment. The true followers could see past the crowds of unkempt fans and lewd merchandising and find talent and innovations beyond their wildest dreams.

It was here that a small booth had been set up to find fortune. The workers of the stall knew that their sales were dismal at the moment, and hoped to utilize this event to turn the tides in their favor. In the back, a female employee meticulously checked off their inventory. A bespectacled worker tidied up the boxes of merchandise according to their genre. A young brown-haired sales clerk manned the cash box, his expression seeming to be of utmost seriousness (it was actually boredom and irritation).

Still, none of these people could compare to the man standing in front-and-center. He stood tall and straight, his hands clenched in anticipation. His large black hair fluttered in a dramatic, nonexistent wind. The words "Store Manager" were emblazoned on the red visor on his head, showing his position of power in the group. An intense heat radiated from him. The man was not just flaming, but positively ablaze with energy.

"Is everyone ready?" he asked.

"SIR, YES, SIR!" shouted back the employees, automatically straightening up and saluting briskly.

"Good," he said. "I want everything to be perfect this time around. Rumor has it that she is to appear again, and most experts have predicted that she will browse the stalls in our area!"

The manager held up a fist and placed it on his chest. The employees looked up at him with reverence – they could feel a speech coming.

"Recently, rival stores have been enjoying increased sales due to promotions for upcoming series while we suffered, picking up their leftovers," the manager said, pacing back and forth.

"Our sales are dismal at best," the sales clerk muttered.

"Leftover items still have value!" the manager roared. "Today, we shall sell heaps of merchandise! Our weeks of preparation for this moment will surely pay off today! I, Anizawa Meito, swear as the manager of Animate that Legendary Girl A will –"

"Hey, it looks like there is a large variety of goods here!"

Anizawa choked on his next words. He whipped around and saw a short girl browsing through their booth. She had lazy green eyes and a mole under her left eye. In unison, the staff gazed at the stubborn piece of blue hair on the top of her head that stuck out. The ahoge.

The female employee whispered, "Hey, isn't –"

"Of course it's her! Now quiet!" hissed back the employee with glasses. She glanced at Anizawa, asking him silently for permission for her next actions. A bead of sweat ran down the manager's face. After a moment of hesitation, he gave her a curt nod. The bespectacled worker took a deep breath and walked up to Legendary Girl A.

"H-hello," she said, trying to be enthusiastic. "Is there anything I can help you with?" She grabbed some nearby CDs. "Perhaps you would be interested in a vocal mini album?"

The otaku spared her a quick look before refocusing her attention on the displays of various manga volumes and limited edition collectible items. "Not at the moment, but thanks for asking," she replied.

"I...I see." The worker blinked and slowly backed away. Once she was sure that Legendary Girl A was not paying her any attention, she scampered to where the others were crouching.

"I'm sorry, manager! I couldn't grab her interest!" she squeaked.

"Do not despair!" Anizawa said, placing a comforting hand on the employee's shoulder. "You did your best, and that's what counts."

* * *

After yet another exasperating failure, Anizawa eventually sent scouts out to hunt down Legendary Girl A and see what was the magic quality that attracted her.

"Sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir, sir!" yelled one perky female employee who rushed back to Anizawa. "I have massive news!"

"What is it?"

"One particular booth seems to be doing well this year! Extremely well! In fact, Legendary Girl A is buying no less than _seven copies of each doujin__shi_ from each manga. But that's not the important part – it's – it's – it's – "

She panted and choked out the final line. "_It's run by Legendary Girl B!_"

There was a collective gasp among the Animate workers. Legendary Girl B? The same Legendary Girl B who had that magical quality in which every time she created a doujinshi for one series, that series became massively popular, trailed by a ton of doujin circles? Of all people?

"And not only that," continued the girl, "Legendary Girl B is an underclassman from Legendary Girl A's school, judging from Legendary Girl A's casual tone of speech regarding school!"

Another collective gasp.

"This is our opportunity," said Meito. Perhaps not Comiket this year. But there was another doujin market the next month, and the ratings for that one series had fallen apart…the one they were going to market during the new convention. It was _perfect_. All they had to do was to sway Legendary Girl B's attention that easily into the series.

Little did they know that Tamura Hiyori's attention was not exactly easy to obtain…

* * *

Hiyori left a friend in charge of the booth and walked around to see if there was anything she wanted to buy. There sure were a lot of doujin around selling comics that ranged from series she loved with a fangirlish passion to series she hadn't even _heard_ of.

"Oh, no, I'm 200 yen short…"

A nearby girl was digging through her bag trying to get money to pay for a doujinshi. Her somewhat shorter friend, who was standing next to her, handed over two bills.

"Oh, thank you. I owe you so much because you do all this kind of stuff for me…"

As Hiyori listened, she couldn't help imagining Minami and Yutaka...

* * *

"_I owe you so much because you do all this kind of stuff for me…"_

_Yutaka stared, her eyes twinkling, as Minami held her in her arms after pulling Yutaka away from the car that had almost run her over._

"_It – it's nothing," said Minami, her eyes hidden behind her bangs._

"_Someday," said Yutaka, "I'll repay you…"_

_Minami looked down to stare at her small friend and their eyes met, and between them passed an understanding that -_

* * *

Hiyori gasped. "No! No, no, no, no! I can't! I shouldn't think of my friends in such ways!" She clutched at her head tightly. "Think of something else...er...oh yeah! Konata-senpai promised to show me that new doujinshi she bought at Comiket last time! I wonder how the plot is going to go, since the author kind of left it hanging in her last issue," Hiyori wondered out loud. "Senpai even showed it to her friends. I think she mentioned that Kagami-senpai actually got pretty into it."

Her mind whirred into action. A red-faced Kagami denies that the doujinshi captured her interest. The twin-tailed girl then bursts into an embarrassed blush as Konata embraces her from behind and teases her about becoming an otaku as well. Kagami stutters, and says something that makes Konata blush, for once.

Then, quite suddenly, the two transformed into a headband-wearing drummer and a long-haired bassist. The two actually looked pretty good together, so it took a while before Hiyori realized that she had no idea who those two were. Still, her mind forged onwards...

* * *

"_W-we're best friends, Ritsu...we shouldn't be like this..." the bassist muttered._

_Ritsu fixed her gaze squarely on the bassist. "Why not? You're the one for me, Mio. I've always teased you since we first met, but truly, all I want to see is your smile...I was being greedy and I wanted your attention."_

"_Idiot," Mio said. She bit her lip and stared back into the drummer's golden eyes, which were shining with passion through her freed bangs. It was okay, she decided. They were both girls, but it was okay, since they both thought about each other the same way. She gathered up her courage and leaned in..._

* * *

Hiyori felt a light tap on her shoulder, breaking her out of her daydreaming. She turned and saw a girl around her age. Hiyori noted the girl's blond hair, blue eyes, and lady-like appearance.

"Ah, excuse me," the girl said. "I think we might have swapped daydreams."

Hiyori looked up and saw that she was right – she could see her previous daydream of Konata and Kagami in a thought bubble above the blond student's head.

"Oops!" Hiyori said. She hurriedly reached out and grabbed her daydream, pulling out the daydream of the bassist and drummer above her own head as she did so. Once she had both, she put each one in their respective thought bubbles.

"There, all fixed. Sorry about that," Hiyori said sheepishly.

"It's no problem. It just surprised me when blue and purple haired girls popped into my head," the girl replied. "Well, have a nice day!"

"You too," Hiyori said.

The girls parted ways. Right then, one of the cases lining the sides of the store fell over, prompting an employee to scream, "Dammit, that's the third time that fourth wall's been broken today!"

"Hey," said the employee next to him, "at least we didn't rip up your trenchcoat this time."

* * *

There was a great building of tension in the air as Hiyori walked by the booth of Animate. When she was close enough to easily see or hear anything happening at the booth, Anizawa Meito suddenly exploded as according to plan.

"I'm sorry, sir!" he yelled, directing his comment at a random passerby but intentionally projecting it so Hiyori would hear clearly. "We are Animate, so we do not sell doujinshi - there are absolutely no doujinshi for that series at all!"

"If only someone extremely talented and creative would write for that series!" yelled a male worker, backing him up.

"If such a thing happened, there would be high market for such a product!" tagged on another worker.

Hiyori obviously heard the commotion (how could she not?) and blinked. She looked at the poster Meito was pointing at.

"Hm…that series…" She blinked. She knew the series – the concept was interesting, although there was one point where she'd had to go through eight episodes of filler, and she still hadn't seen the movie yet. Well, while she knew enough to draw a doujinshi on it, it didn't quite capture her interest.

As Hiyori started to walk away again, Meito tensed.

_We're losing her. I need to pull out my next weapon. Fellow Animate members, prepare to strike._

The staff behind him nodded, hidden in the shadows, clutching bookshelves tightly.

Meito then unleashed one of the very few doujinshi he had.

"This is a random doujinshi I have just spontaneously found on the ground!" he yelled to now nobody in particular. "We are very sorry but this is the only doujinshi we have to offer!"

Hiyori glanced back at the commotion and caught sight of Anizawa holding the comic. As soon as she saw the front cover, she recoiled.

_That – that – that's just wrong! The eyes aren't spaced out enough! The proportions are completely wrong! The neck is too short! It – it just – it –_

Hiyori gritted her teeth.

"I'll buy that," she said.

* * *

After Hiyori left the store, there was cheering from the Animate stock, and Meito announced that sake was on him tonight.

* * *

_One month later…_

"This is ridiculous!" Hiyori sighed. "Just when I start writing doujinshi for this series, suddenly everyone else decides they want to as well!"

Hiyori had not sold any comics at all. Well, she had sold three copies to Konata, but those didn't really count. Hiyori started to regret that she hadn't come up with the idea before Comiket – she would have probably sold more if she had done so.

Meanwhile, at Animate, Anizawa Meito was rubbing his hands happily. There was no doubt. Animate was now completely stocked with the most popular merchandise of every kind related to that series. Since the new doujinshi was inspiring new interest in the series…

_Yes. Yes. This will be our day__ of victory__._

And the staff members waited in suspense.

Suddenly, Meito caught sight of a whole crowd of people, looking like they were on a rampage, coming towards them…

…and suddenly they made a massive detour and all headed for Gamers.

"Wha – "

The staff of Animate gaped in horror.

Meito took the time to unleash a long, drawn-out "NOOOOO!"

* * *

After counting his measly earnings for the day, Meito turned to the rest of the staff members and sighed.

"I have failed you all," said Meito. "I have failed. I have lost my dignity, and I am unable to win this small victory that could have so easily become ours. I have ruined what could have potentially won over, and I am unfit to be your manager."

"That's not true!" yelled the clerk in a sudden and uncharacteristic show of passion – perhaps Anizawa was growing on him. "You have been a valiant warrior in the face of adversity!"

"You have assisted us all in reaching towards our goals!" screamed the bespectacled girl.

"But my flaws have contributed to this failure…" said Meito.

"Everyone has flaws! The point is to overcome these flaws and to grow stronger as an individual!" chipped in a stock boy.

"Together, we can combine our forces and destroy any vices that come our way!"

Meito beamed.

"Perhaps – perhaps I will be happy to be your manager after all."

The Animate staff cheered.

"Now, friends! We will join together! Hands in!"

Together they put their hands into a pile and grabbed each other. A red aura literally swam around them as Meito "burned up" and screamed with the passion of the Animate manager.

They were about to decide to have a party outside when suddenly they caught sight of a perky short-haired blonde girl, staring at everything as if she'd never seen anything of the sort before.

"It couldn't be…"

"No. Not at all."

"It _is_."

"…No. The girl that causes widespread international boom of a franchise as soon as she buys something from it…"

There was a collective gasp from the Animate staff as Meito focused on Patricia.

"_Legendary Girl C._"

* * *

**Akai's A/N: Seriously, Tsumugi and Hiyori would be awesome friends. No, really, they would.**

**I have also theorized that Daidouji Tomoyo (from **_**Cardcaptor Sakura**_**) is the love child of Tsumugi and Sawako-sensei. Come on: yuri vision and cosplay tendencies? Well, Tomoyo's yuri goggles are trained onto one specific person, and she isn't into as into cosplay as Sawako...argh, you know what, never mind.**

**I truly apologize for single-handedly delaying this chapter for several months. Gosh, now I feel inclined to kowtow to Aster. When she's writing fanfiction, she'll be done in days or weeks, but whenever I have to translate lyrics or write, I take months...and this time around, I didn't even finish. T-T**

**-Insert 90 degree bow of humiliation, apology, and etcetera here-**

**I really hope you enjoyed this chapter!**


End file.
